


need some blood in the cut

by iwillbeyourgoal



Category: Persona 5
Genre: (kind of), Angst, During Canon, Infidelity, M/M, Persona 5 Spoilers, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 04:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16946910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwillbeyourgoal/pseuds/iwillbeyourgoal
Summary: Ryuji was just staring at the boy silently, and the tears felt like they might return any second. “Akechi,” he said, voice bare. “Was that your first kiss?”





	need some blood in the cut

_ They’re all the same, _ Akechi noted bitterly as they sat in a safe room in Sae’s casino.  _ Variations on a theme. _

Makoto and Morgana were focused on applying Extinguish Orb to an ugly burn striped across Yusuke’s forearm, the former’s hands ghosting over his skin. Futaba and Haru were examining the map, leaning into each other as they discussed where the group should go next. Akira sat on the floor, legs crossed with Ryuji’s head in his lap, their coats piled next to them – simply resting.

It made him fucking sick. His skin vibrated uncomfortably as he watched them from the side of the room. They were all so casual with their space; they didn’t care how close they got. Any one of them could procure a knife from nowhere and stab the others in the neck, drag the blade across the jugular and drown in the blood before the others would even be able to blink. Don’t they realize this?

Don’t they care?

Akechi almost let a scowl cross his face, but the mask was stronger than his distaste. He wondered, not for the first time, why they held back from him. He knew they didn’t trust him, but the way he understood it, many of them had rough beginnings in the group. Not that he  _ wanted _ to be included in their grotesque displays of affection, necessarily, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t envy them.

Good thing, then, that he was very good at lying.

“You’re awful quiet over there, Akechi.”

The brash call shook him out of his reverie and he glanced over at the source of the voice: Ryuji, smirking at him from Akira’s lap.

“I’m just thinking about our next course of action,” he replied evenly, the lie coming to him as naturally as anything. “We have to be constantly vigilant while we’re here.”

“He’s right,” Makoto agreed, straightening from tending to Yusuke. “We’re getting closer and closer to sis’s treasure. This can’t be something we approach lightly.”

This provided a springboard for the rest of the group to discuss whether they should leave to regroup or tackle one more area. Their conversation faded into background noise while Akechi stole glances at Akira and Ryuji. The dark-haired boy was casually running his fingers through the other’s hair. Akechi’s throat felt slightly tight, his vision tunneling briefly.

He didn’t need it. Didn’t want it. That was the point of this whole crusade – he’d never had anyone and never needed them. Once he killed his father, it would all become evident. Goro Akechi was alone, and he was better for it. 

“Akechi-kun?”

He blinked, turning to Makoto, who was staring expectantly at him. “Hm?”

“Did you hear us?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t.”

“We’ve decided to go back and rest, and we’ll return tomorrow,” she said. “We need to gather ourselves.” 

“Of course,” he nodded. “If that’s what everyone thinks is best.”

They went about their preparations to leave the safe room and head back to the entrance. Akechi was focused on polishing his gun with the sleeve of his jacket when he looked up and noticed that they were all heading out. He sighed and decided to wait a few moments before rejoining. Their incessant chattering was getting to almost be too much.

He closed his eyes and breathed. His mind wasn’t clear – it never truly was – but he was able to focus more clearly when the others weren’t around.

But he kept seeing flashes of Akira’s fingers weaving through Ryuji’s hair. Ryuji’s eyes crinkling in laughter at a quiet joke Akira told him. The muscles in Akira’s neck as he bent over to listen to something – a secret? – Ryuji was telling him.

He growled at the sensation of his pants tightening, his simmering rage building at the idea of his body betraying him. He didn’t need it, didn’t need it didn’t – 

The door to the safe room opened and as he opened his eyes, he saw Ryuji, one foot in the door and eyes widened in surprise.

“Oh, is this where you were? Forgot our coats.”

Akechi blinked.

_ I need it. _

He felt his feet move faster than his brain could comprehend, and he shoved the door shut.

“What’re you –  _ oomf, _ ” Ryuji said as Akechi’s lips claimed his. 

He didn’t know what he expected. To be pushed away? To be punched? Electrocuted by Captain Kidd? Whatever it was, it didn’t happen. What  _ did _ happen was Ryuji stood there for a moment before acquiescing to the kiss. What  _ did _ happen was he could suddenly feel tears burning his eyes, which were wide open, scanning the blonde’s face for any sign of cruelty. There was none, and to Akechi, this only made it worse.

He let his teeth clamp down on Ryuji’s bottom lip, his eyes fluttering closed as the other boy moaned quietly.

For a moment, a brief, quiet moment, he was not who he was. He wasn’t some prodigious detective or some unattainable heartthrob or some unwanted son. He was a teenage boy, kissing someone because he could. 

This lasted approximately until Ryuji’s hand came to rest in Akechi’s long, unruly hair, wrapping a tendril around his fingers. Suddenly, the rage that had subsided bubbled back up, and Akechi’s hands found their way in between the two boys, and he pushed Ryuji away as hard as he could. 

He  _ hated _ himself. God, how he loathed himself. He wasn’t one of them, how could he be? How dare he even pretend. He felt like vomiting. He felt like running. They held back from him because he wasn’t, would never be, truly at home around others. All this brief experiment did was prove that. He didn’t need anyone.

Ryuji was just staring at the boy silently, and the tears felt like they might return any second. 

“Akechi,” he said, voice bare. “Was that your first kiss?”

Akechi’s hands balled into tight fists at his side, and it was all he could do not to shoot Ruyji then and there.

“You won’t tell anyone,” Akechi replied, and he hated how strained and desperate his voice sounded, how it was more of a plea than a demand. 

The other boy didn’t have time to reply, because the door opened and Akira popped his head in. “Oh, hey, Akechi. We were wondering if we’d lost you.”

“I was polishing my gun and lost track of time momentarily,” he said automatically. “Sakamoto just came to get your coats.”

“Gotcha,” Akira said, nodding. “You ready to keep going?”

“Yes,” Akechi said, and Ryuji frowned at him as he moved to pick up the coats, then joined his boyfriend, who placed his arm around him.

“Yeah, man,” he said, turning to exit the room. “Let’s get out of here.”  
  


**Author's Note:**

> rarepairs are good but they hurt SO BAD. let me know what u thought of this angst that WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE until i wrote it


End file.
